Horatio Algeranon's "American Pi"

Horatio Algeranon | March 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm | Reply

“American Pi”
(Whose circumference is precisely 6 times its radius, by legislative mandate)

– Horatio’s rendition of Don McClean’s classic (Sorry Don)

A long long time ago
I can still remember how
The mathturbation used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make the public dance
And maybe they’d be con-fused for a while
But February made them sweat
With every heat wave we would get
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn’t take one more step
I still remember that I cried
When I heard my paper was denied
Something touched me deep inside
The day the Denial died

So
Bye, bye Miss American Pi
Played the Monte on my Auntie but my Auntie was sly
Those climate-science blogs were doing maths that don’t lie
Bloggin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Did you write the blog of lies
And do you have Koch and Exxon ties
If the SourceWatch tells you so?
Now do you believe in crock and troll?
Can mathturbation save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to lie with snow?

Well, I know that you are in denial
Cuz I’ve watched you bloggin’ for a while
You just kicked out the science
Man, I dig that fibbin’ and deniance

I was a lonely skeptic bloggin’ buck
From a big-car-nation, with a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the denial died
I started bloggin’

[Chorus]

Now, for ten years we’ve been on our own
And Gore grows fat, with a roiling tone
But, that’s not how it used to be
When the Jester blogged for the King and Queen
On a blog once voted “Best We’ve Seen”
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh, and while the King was stooping down
The Jester stole his Bloggie crown
The courtroom was adjourned
BEST’s verdict was returned
And while Tony read a post by Mac
The Inhoax started up a PAC
And we were goin’ on attack
The day the denial died
We were bloggin’
[Chorus]
Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The Joes threw up a neuron melter
“Temps are high …but falling fast”
It landed foul on the grass
The mathturbators tried for a journal pass
With the Jester on the sidelines (from The BEST)
Now the half-time air was rank perfume
Cuz NOAA played the marching tune
We all got up to leave
Since we never could believe
The mathturbators tried to take the field
The science band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the denial died?
We started bloggin’
[Chorus]
Oh, and there we were all in one place
Degeneration lost in hyperspace
With no time left to start again
So come on Mac be nimble, Mac be quick
Mac Flash broke another hockey stick
Cuz hockey is a Canadian’s only friend
And as I watched him on his blog
It seemed that he was just a cog
Despite the words he’d spoken
The Hockey Stick wasn’t broken
And as the CO2 climbed high into the air
And warmed the earth and people there
The bitter truth had been laid bare
The day the denial died
He was bloggin’
[Chorus]
I met a girl who blogged the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the Sacred URL
Where I’d seen the mathturbators twist and twirl
But the denial wouldn’t play
And on the web the skeptics screamed
The Tony’s cried, and the Morano’s schemed
The skeptics all were croakin’
The denier spell was broken
And the mathturbators I admire most
The ones who loved to lie and boast
They took their last trend and were toast
The day the denial died
And they were blogging…

Bye, bye Miss American Pi
Played the Monte on my Auntie but my Auntie was sly
Those climate-science blogs were doing maths that don’t lie
Bloggin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die